Friday, September 17, 2004

We made a plan...

my spouse & I. After 9/11, I, as did likely everyone, needed the reassurance of knowing that a plan was in place. I've revisited that need in my mind since reading this post by Gerard VanDerLeun. His poignant efforts to reconcile his feelings about the visual images of the Beslan massacre brought up many of the feelings of discord that I have struggled with since I spent that morning weeping in my robe.

We have a child who lives almost 40 miles and one big muddy river away from us. Why he's so far is for another post. My spouse and I decided that I would gather the girls and keep them at home- he'd check on us & then go to get our son. Come hell or high water, even if he couldn't get back home, he'd get to our son.

The images, and reading of such a vivid response to them, has caused me to (again) access my deepest fear as a parent: that I will not be there when my children need me most- while they are still children.

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