Friday, December 17, 2004

Abortion. Women. Children. Men.

My opinions on these subjects have changed over the years.

I used to think that I favored choice, that women should be able to choose whether to have a baby even once they were pregnant.

I thought this even though I had, at 18, dropped my childhood best friend because I was so uncomfortable with her confession to having an abortion at 20 weeks gestation.

20 weeks.

She told me they induced labor for her to deliver the baby vaginally, and I hope, dead already. She complained about having to go through the pain of labor. She said she couldn't stand seeing herself get bigger and bigger. She said 'it' was a little boy.

When faced with my own unplanned pregnancy, I did not want to inform the father. It was none of his business, I felt. I was the one with the uterus, so I was the one carrying the responsibility. How screwed up I was.

I didn't want to have a baby then, but I didn't want to have an abortion even more than that. I didn't want to kill an innocent person, my child, just because I was to stupid to keep my panties on.

Perhaps in a place & time when a woman had a defined role and function in her society, unplanned babies were likely not killed at the rate they are killed now. Fathers provided for their children and their children's mothers. Mothers cared for their children and maintained a home for the family. They also contributed in other ways to the family's economic well-being. (I know that I am generalizing and that many families had two parents working or not or mom working for whatever reason.)

Recently I had an unpleasant thought occur to me. I should not have had children if I could not provide for them myself. Which is not to say that I should have chosen to kill my children prior to their births, but that I should not have gotten pregnant in the first place. I think that I live in a time & in a society where a woman can't count on having a provider for her children.

I fear that I live in a society where a woman is actually encouraged to not have a provider for her children, other than herself. Society lies and tells women & children that they do not need men. With an income and a babysitter, dad is unneccessary.

What bothers me, I think, is that of the likely many factors contributing to that atmosphere, a large part of it is women's fault. By denigrating motherhood, devaluing marriage, and bashing normal men, women are ultimately hurting women, and helpless children.

It sickens me to read stuff like what Logic Monkey scrounges from the dumb. It sickens me to read stuff like what J. Mitchard wrote in a recent column. I simply can't think of an excuse to justify killing a baby. Not one. It sickens me be surrounded by so many folks who apparently think it is okay.

(Okay, maybe if the baby is Damian & you actually saw the jackal giving birth...)


Blogger Martyr73 said...

As a father, I can not imagine why anyone would even consider having an abortion. After witnessing the first sonogram of my youngest daughter, I have absolutely no doubt that she was more than just a "fetus". She was a person. We could make out facial expressions and she was talking to herself in the womb. It was a very touching experience for both me and my wife. Children are truly a blessing and I am glad, (as I'm sure that you are as well), that you made the choice you did.

Unfortunately, I think you are correct about today's society. As much as I believe that a woman can do any job a man can do, I still feel it is important to have a father figure in the lives of young children. Too much emphasis has been put on "female empowerment" and not enough on good old-fashioned family values.

Great post. Keep up the good work. :)

9:29 PM  
Blogger Sara Thomas said...

We had a similar experience with our eldest daughter. At 8 weeks along, she was just a dark spot with a rhythmic flicker inside it on the sonogram screen. But to us, spouse, our son & me, that spot was our baby & the flicker was her heart- beating already.

Now she's ten, bossy like she's 20 and lemme tell ya, puberty in a girl is really different from in a boy & sometimes she scares the crap out of us.

9:21 AM  
Blogger Martyr73 said...

My oldest just turned 11. I completely understand about the whole "bossy" thing. She doesn't get that way with me and her step-mother, but she can get downright mean with her mother. With us, she is just as sweet she could be but she knows that I won't let her get away with talking to me the way she does with her mother. She's really a great kid. Even though her mother has done everything she can to spoil her, she is still a well-grounded individual. I think we're pretty lucky.

2:08 PM  
Blogger WarWagon said...

You've certainly hit the nail on the head. Abortion should never be just another form of birth control...

8:46 AM  

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