Tuesday, December 21, 2004

The Klebolds, the Harrises, and the movie '13'...

Parents don't really know what their kids are doing. Period. A parent may think they have a great relationship with their child, and may very well have such a relationship, but still not know everything in their child's mind or all of their child's activities. Period.

In the case of the child portrayed in the movie 13, the parent may even have a 'good' kid yet still not be fully aware once things start going frighteningly wrong. Or the kid may be basically 'good'- minds at home, up on schoolwork, no major complaints, but using drugs, or fucking somebody or God knows what.

Or the kid could be a Klebold or a Harris, or any one of the lethal youth we have heard of in the US in recent years. Just speculation, of course, but in a case like that the parent may know their kid is weird, may be aware of strange ideas the kid has, freaky hobbies- but not know when or if any of that will turn into actions. Or what those actions will be.

Or the parent of a child who commits suicide. They may know their kid is depressed, they may even be aware of some of the child's unpleasant thoughts, but how can they know when that moment will come?

How can a parent do what a parent is supposed to do, rear the child toward independence, allow & encourage the child to develop a sense of self, yet still somehow control or manipulate all of the child's actions? Sometimes basically decent folks love their kids and do their best but something still goes terribly wrong.

This subject was on my mind today. It seems that society wants so badly for someone to blame. It must be the parents, it must be the upbringing. I hate it when parents of suspected criminals are trotted out in the media, almost all of them saying what a good kid their kid was/is & that they can't believe their child could do something like this. I always think to myself that they don't really know what they are talking about, or who.

And that is how it should be.


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